Read Me, Love Me

Fulfilling No.2... take said Scottie to puppy school

2011-01-08T23:41:00.004+11:00

What a champion of a pup I have! Four weeks of puppy school and he graduated. Like a true legend.

BUT after three weeks of trouble-free classes, I was absolutely mortified when - at the fourth, and final class - Henry sat in the middle of the room and dropped the biggest, squidgiest, stinkiest poo ever. I could have died.

Luckily it didn't stop him from graduating - I would have been far too embarrassed to show my face there for another class!

Fulfilling No.14... sign up as a Cats member

2010-12-26T10:30:00.002+11:00

Bring on season 2011! I am signed up as a Cats member and I am proud. It's going to be an interesting season to watch, with the hasty departure of our premiership coach Bomber Thompson, and the not-so-hasty but very disappointing loss of Gary Ablett Jnr. However... I don't think these changes are going to mean the end of the Cats' very successful recent era... and I can't wait to watch the dominance continue. GO CATS!

Fulfilling No.1... get a Scottie

2010-11-26T07:47:00.000+11:00

Well, I've had Henry at home with me for two weeks, and he is a divine little bundle of joy. See?

Henry is very playful (read: he is teething and biting at the moment!) but he has me hook, line and sinker. He is sleeping in my bed (whoops) but he's been great; no accidents, yay!

What a fabulous start to being 26! Now, for my social life to resume...

Fulfilling No.1... get a Scottie

2010-11-10T14:52:00.001+11:00

I pick up Henry on Friday... just two more sleeps... I am so excited!

Here is a more recent pic:

Henry is the puppy on the left when you are looking at the photo. What a gorgeous little thing!

Fulfilling No.18... do a Pan 10 for makeup, skincare and body products

2010-10-21T13:37:00.004+11:00

I work in the beauty industry and I love it. I also love all the products I get to try and my cupboards are literally overflowing with creams, potions and lotions. Which is very exciting, but sometimes it makes me feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of it all. I know, right? Tough problem to have.

The idea of a Pan 10 is that you won't buy anything new until you've used up 10 products. I can't promise this (occupational hazard) but I do want to do my best to use up a few products so I don't feel so bad about bringing new ones home. I will keep track of products I finish here!

Makeup
1. Napoleon Perdis Boudoir Mist Spray Foundation - Look B1
2. Becca The Ultimate Mascara - Black (luckily, I had a spare in the cupboard!)
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Skincare
1. Clarins Multi-Active Day Lotion SPF15
2. Alpha-H Triple Action Cleanser x 2
3. Biotherm Skin Vivo Eye Cream
4. Clarins White Plus HP Intensive Whitening Smoothing Serum
5. Ole Henriksen Sheer Transformation Creme
6. Ole Henriksen Truth Serum
7.
8.
9.
10.

Body products
1. L'Occitane Almond Delicious Exfoliating Paste
2. L'Occitane Lavender Foaming Bath
3. OPI Avojuice Grapefruit Body Wash
4. Ojon Batana Shower Gel
5. Soap + Glory Scrub 'Em and Leave 'Em Body Scrub
6. L'Occitane Peony Beauty Milk
7.
8.
9.
10.

Fulfilling No.1... get a Scottie

2010-10-21T13:30:00.001+11:00

Wheeeee! I am getting a puppy! His name is Henry and I should be getting him around November 18.
Want to see him?

He's the one in the middle. All together now.... awwwwwww!!

UPDATE: I had an email from the breeder yesterday - I am picking up Henry on November 12! I am SO ridiculously excited. There is so much to organise...

Fulfilling No.15... keep track of books read

2010-10-14T18:57:00.004+11:00

1. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society - Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
2. We Don't Live Here Anymore - Matt Nable
3. This Everlasting Silence - The Love Letters of Paquita Delprat and Douglas Mawson 1911-1914 - Edited by Nancy Robinson Flannery
4. Scar Tissue - Anthony Kiedis
5. Room - Emma Donoghue

Image courtesy of www.20morethings.wordpress.com

Fulfilling No.7... get moles checked

2010-10-14T18:55:00.000+11:00

Hurrah! The first task for the year has been completed!

On Tuesday, I went and had my moles checked. I am a VERY naughty girl, and I used to go to the solarium. Intermittently, from the age of 17 to 21. I cringe when I think back to it... I am so, so fair and my poor skin has suffered for it. Not to mention, I have hundreds of moles... and I used to have zero. Urgh. I should have listened to my Mum.

Anyway, after being prompted by my physiotherapist and the beauty therapist at work to make sure I get a mole checked on my back, I booked in at a skin cancer clinic for a checkup.

The doctor looked at the moles all over my body, and gave the little sucker my peeps had been worried about the all clear. But then her tone changed. 'Hmmmm,' she muttered, 'I don't like the look of this one, though.'

She got out her camera and took a photo, and then added a new lens and took a microscopic - very close up - photo. 'This mole is black, compared to the rest of them. I am going to remove it. Lie back down on your tummy for me, please.'

'N...now?' I asked, eyes as wide as saucers.

'Yep, I find it's easier to do it on the spot... that way, you can't forget to come back to have it done!' she smiled. I lay down guiltily - she had me there.

I felt a stinging sensation as the local anesthetic was injected into my back, and then... nothing. She cut out the mole, stitched it up and applied a bandage - and I felt nothing. I felt brave and quite impressed at how simple the whole procedure was.

I went to the office straight after and advised my colleagues to go and get their moles checked, too. It's such a worthwhile thing to do - and I promise, it was not bad at all. I'd have no hesitation in going back. Which is lucky, really, seeing as I have to go back next week to get the stitches removed and find out the results of the test.

It's my birthday! Hooray for birthdays!

2010-10-05T17:24:00.003+11:00

Ok, so technically it is my birthday tomorrow, but given that I am such an organised person, I wanted to organise this today so my mind is clear tomorrow...

It is time to announce/share/finalise my list of 26 things to do before I turn 27. A couple of these may seem familiar; they are things I didn't manage to get to on my last list, but still really want to do.

Drumroll please...

Get a Scottie
Take said Scottie to puppy school
Buy fresh flowers at least once a month
Go for a horse ride
Go speed dating
Do a wine tasting course
Get moles checked
Pay off credit cards
Go for a picnic at the Botanic Gardens with friends
Buy a beautiful new sheet/quilt cover set
Face fear of geese at the park and don’t let the little suckers win
Do something to help my sister with her new catering company
Go to the Vic market
Sign up as a Cats member
Keep track of books read
Keep track of books lent
Find and buy gold sandals
Do a Pan 10 for makeup, skincare and body products
Do something kind for Ella
Do a yoga course
Fall in love
Get a pot plant – and keep it alive
Buy a pair of designer heels
Go for a ride on the back of Dad’s motorbike
See a movie at the drive in
Go up to the Eureka Sky Deck

Whee! Let the fun continue...

Fulfilling No.19... learn how to accept compliments - and believe them

2010-10-05T15:10:00.000+11:00

I think this one is a work in progress, but one I am definitely getting better at. I am finding it easier to smile and say 'thank you' - although there are definitely still times when I blush and do not quite know what to say in response, or when I find myself saying 'oh no, that's not true.'

I will no doubt continue to work on this in the years to come!

Image from www.pick-up-lines.info

Fulfilling No.17...skinny dip

2010-10-05T15:03:00.000+11:00

I was whining to a friend last night that I hadn't managed to complete all of the little things I had planned to before my next birthday. He was only half-listening, and to be honest, I don't think he could have cared less. Regardless, I listed the 25 things on my list, and whether or not I had completed it.

Not surprisingly, when I got to 'skinny dip', I had a lot more of his attention than several seconds earlier when I listed 'go to the dentist for a teeth clean.'

'Have you had a bath this year?' he asked.

'Yes - in fact, I had one last night.'

He winked at me. 'Then technically, Celeste,' he smiled, 'you've skinny dipped.'

Sweet as, bro. I am ticking this off the list!!

Image from www.craphound.com

Fulfilling No.3... have a dinner party at home

2010-10-02T14:46:00.000+10:00

Yay! Success!

A couple of months ago I had a small dinner party at my place - I invited my best friend, her housemate and a colleague and friend from work.

We started the evening by munching on cheeses, biscuits and quince paste accompanied by wine and chatter.

Main consisted of a roast quail dish, cooked with chorizo and grapes. It is a favourite of mine from Orange, a restaurant on Chapel Street in Melbourne. Orange contributed the recipe to a cookbook to raise funds for the RSL - my bestie's housemate had two copies, and gave one to me - and that is how the dinner party came to be.

For dessert, I baked pears with butter and brown sugar and served them with lashings of double cream. It was delicious.

Several hours later, my friends left after copiously complimenting my mad cooking skillz (I loved it) and I went to bed, full, happy and content. I can totally cook.

Fulfilling No.5... fall in love

2010-09-18T14:54:00.001+10:00

With 18 days to go until I turn 26, it is looking increasingly unlikely that this is a goal which will become realised.

With that in mind, I have decided to start a whole new blog devoted to chronicling my dating adventures in the pursuit of finding The One. I know, right? - awesome idea!

I think this at least shows I have been trying to meet someone, rather than sitting at home twiddling my thumbs. Okay, okay. I do plenty of that, too.

So, please, check out: www.melbournedatingchronicles.blogspot.com and join in the fun.

And, for those who are playing at home, I will stick this goal onto my next lot of goals: 26 to achieve, before turning 27.

Image from www.rriderlausd.org

Fulfilling No.22... hand wash and vacuum my car, rather than paying other people to do it

2010-09-09T19:12:00.003+10:00

Winter is a really shit time to be a proud car owner. You wash it; it rains, there is wind; dirt and dust stick to your car like play dough sticks to carpet. A week later, your car looks like it's been rolling around in a dusty paddock and there is little you can do about it.

I kept planning on taking my car to the carwash when there was 'a nice weekend' and I could vacuum it without freezing to death, and I could drive it home without getting rained on and spoiling the shiny car effect.

There were no such weekends. None. Well, none where I actually had the time (read: inclination) to clean the bloody thing.

To make matters worse, the local carwash near me costs about $4 to vacuum the entire car, and about $12 to wash it. However, there is a small business near my work which vacuums, washes and dries my car for $20. TWENTY DOLLARS. They even clean all the glass.

Now this is what I call a first world drama. Do I waste time, money and effort to wash my own car so that I can get a feel-good buzz from ticking something off a list? Or do I support a small business (snigger), and pay THEM $20 to do a job I wouldn't do half as well myself?

I think you know which option I chose. Technically, I cannot say I fulfilled this little goal. But I can say that I do not feel bad about it. Tee hee hee.

Fulfilling No.14... fix smoke detector in my house

2010-09-09T19:04:00.001+10:00

This really is the silliest thing. I was cooking one night - badly - and I burnt something. The smoke was a bit mental and the smoke alarm went ballistic. The big problem is, it is connected to my house alarm - I thought my house was going to up and take off, there was such a racket.

Anyhow, I waved tea towels and tried to disconnect the smoke detector, but all I managed to do was make it hang down from the roof on a cord. Whenever I tried to put it back up in it's proper spot, the house alarm set off again. NIGHTMARE. I was up on the step ladder trying to get the bloody thing back together, then I was rushing to the front door to turn the alarm off, then back up the step ladder, then back to the alarm... you know, nightmare doesn't even begin to cover it!

The good news is that my landlord is having the alarm system checked tomorrow and I have asked if perhaps the electrician could fix my smoke detector so it no longer dangles...?

Fingers crossed, peeps. It really does look ugly, hanging down as it does, like I just don't care. But I do. I DO care. Probably a bit too much.

I will report back as soon as I know...

UPDATE 10/9/10
My smoke detector has been fixed! Wheeeeeeee! Consider this baby ticked off the list.

DONE.

Fulfilling No.8... get a facial + peel from Alli

2010-07-15T18:47:00.002+10:00

My skin has been so 'bleugh' lately. I suspect that it is due to my favourite time of year, winter. It's cold and windy outside; then I get in to my car/office/house and it's very warm and dry from the heating. My skin has been positively screaming at me. Partly dry, partly congested and bumpy, 100% yuck. It's a tough life, I know.

So. I did what any beautyista worth her lipstick would do, and I booked in for a facial and peel with Allison. Lucky for me, I work at an awesome place where magic happens and dreams come true (Adore Beauty), where we have an ah-mazing beauty therapist on staff. So, I booked in with her like a good little girl, and stayed back at work last night to give my skin a bit of a treatment.

Alli cleansed, exfoliated, peeled, picked at, soothed and hydrated my skin over an hour and a quarter. There were moments of bliss (massage, anyone?) and moments of slight discomfort (my skin was prickling when the 50% lactic peel was doing its work; I wanted to scratch but, you know, resisted that urge. Phew) but when I left her beauty room I just knew that my skin will be thanking me in spades in the weeks to come. Last time I had a peel with Alli, my skin was perfect for months to follow. I am now in the period of time where I am waiting for that bit to come...

Come on, skin. Whenever you're ready... I am waiting... I will look after you, I promise. Come on, I'll drink more water. Heal. I want to be pretty again. It's nearly the weekend. Come on, skin.

Fulfilling No.23... keep drawing... create a work of art worth framing

2010-06-29T15:40:00.000+10:00

Wellllll, see, this is the problem. As a youth I had quite a knack for drawing and art in general, and I really enjoyed being creative and knocking up canvases, which Mum was ready and willing to hang on the wall. I went to weekly art classes; I studied art at school (well, until Year 11 when I realised there was far too much theory work involved and not enough painting) and I doodled many a boy's name on my pencil case. Daniel Curtis, I am looking at you. Oh, and Jarrod Moore. And Eden Brownlee. Ummm - that is enough.

So, in an effort to 'push myself' and aim for a little self-fulfillment, I joined a life drawing class in Fitzroy. I have natural flair, I thought smugly to myself. It won't take long for me to get the hang of drawing again, even though I haven't picked up a pencil in close to 10 years.

Aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha. Hahaha. Ha. Ha.

The moral of the story is, I attended the classes sporadically and went to a total of maybe seven. And gave up. I am too impatient.

This is the best I did (and it's not even from the life drawing class, it's me) and it's not worthy of framing. Sigh.

I am hereby officially and publicly acknowledging that I have not completed one of my goals. Bummer. But I think you can see why.

Fulfilling No.7... do something unexpected and nice for Mum

2010-06-13T21:59:00.001+10:00

My Mum is pretty awesome and has looked after me very well since, you know, I was conceived. Whenever I have needed help... emotional, financial - every way except for technical... Mum has been there and willing to lend an ear, a hand or a couple of (hundred) dollars.

Naturally my relationship with Mum isn't perfect. In fact, we drive each other nuts. She prefers to go slow and steady, while I like to get things done swiftly. Mum takes a bloody long time to get to the point - ok, I might have gotten that irritating trait from her. But whatever our differences and mutual frustrations, Mum and I get along like a house on fire, and I think the main reason for that is we both treasure our family dearly.

Anyway. I am taking a long time to get to the point. (I can see Mum laughing with satisfaction.) Mum does a lot for me, and while I like to tell her that my company is her reward, I would like to do something nice back for Mum. But it's actually really hard to think of something to do! I keep thinking about taking her to a day spa (D.A.I.Y.E.) but it's not particularly interesting.

So, I am throwing out the question to my lovely friends. Do you have a suggestion about something lovely I could do for Mum? I wait with bated breath to hear your responses. Thanks in advance! :)

Fulfilling No.4... perfect 5 recipes

2010-06-12T17:20:00.002+10:00

Ah, winter... the time of year when we seek comfort in filling, warming meals. I was stoked to come across Jane Kennedy's Cottage Pie Pots, a perfect winter dish which is also low in carbohydrates... perfect for those who are health conscious. (I wish I was more so!) The single serve ramekins are also awesome as leftovers for lunches at work!

Here is my finished result:

Here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS

1 tbs extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 brown onion, finely chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 carrot, finely grated
400g lean mince beef
1 tbs Worcestershire sauce
1 tbs tomato paste
salt and freshly ground pepper
400ml salt-reduced chicken stock
sprig rosemary, finely chopped

Topping
1/2 cauliflower, cut into florets
1/4 cup skim milk
1/2 tbs Greek yoghurt
1/2 tbs horseradish cream
salt and freshly ground pepper
handful freshly grated parmesan cheese

METHOD

Preheat the over to 180 degrees celcius.

Heat the olive oil in a non-stick frying pan over a high heat. Lower the heat and add the onion, garlic and carrot to the pan. Fry for 4-5 minutes until soft and translucent. Add the minced beef to the pan and brown it slowly, stirring frequently. Add the Worcestershire sauce, tomato paste, salt and pepper and stir through. Stir in the stock and chopped rosemary and simmer for about 10 minutes, or until most of the liquid has evaporated. Remove from the heat and set aside.

To make the topping, place the cauliflower florets and skim milk in a microwave-safe container with a lid. Microwave on full power for 7-8 minutes, or until soft. Tip into a food processor and add the yoghurt, horseradish, salt and pepper and whiz to a smooth puree.

Divide the minced beef mixture between 4 x 250ml ramekins and then top with the cauliflower puree. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese, and arrange the ramekins on an oven tray. Bake for 12-15 minutes, or until golden and bubbling. Serve immediately with salad.

Serves 4

(Recipe from Fabulous Food, Minus the Boombah by Jane Kennedy)

I was so satisfied with this dish. It wasn't exaaaaactly perfect (I don't have a food processor so I used a Bamix instead to puree the cauliflower and it wasn't quite smooth) but it still tasted great and I rated my efforts! My bestie thought it was pretty tasty, too. And a food processor has been added to my (ever growing) 'must buy' list... next time I make this little dish, it WILL be perfect!

Fulfilling No.13... bake a birthday cake for someone

2010-06-03T18:59:00.001+10:00

I used to love baking, and then realised, when I started making this list of things to do, that I hadn't baked in a long time. My waistline might have been vaguely thankful, but my friends were not.

Now, this is a challenge which I have well and truly SMASHED. Not only have I baked a birthday cake for someone... I have baked several.

The first was a birthday 'cupcake tree' for my bestie. Now, these cupcakes didn't actually TASTE very good (I baked them at Lest's house and she has no measuring utensils - so all quantities were haphazadly guessed. Not ideal) but they sure looked pretty. You can see for yourself:

Then at Christmas (I know, not technically a birthday, but I am bragging about my baking prowess) I made Lebkuchen for my step-family:

These are sadly, all the images I have... but I also baked:
- Bill Granger's White Chocolate Cheesecake for a dear friend's 30th
- A delicious Hummingbird cake for Katerina's birthday (she works with me)

I feel like there is more. But nothing is coming to mind. If I suddenly wake up at one in the morning, bolt upright in my bed, with the taste of another cake baked on my lips, I will post it with haste.

Fulfilling No.4... perfect 5 recipes

2010-05-25T17:31:00.005+10:00

I thought it might be nice to post each recipe as I perfect it.

Today I am writing about the delicious lasagne I made on Sunday night.

I just made up my usual Bolognese sauce (the key is bay leaves, peeps!), and the bechamel sauce recipe from Nigella Lawson's How to Eat cook book.

I am so impressed with how it turned out... delicious!

Stay tuned for my next perfected recipe.

Fulfilling No.20... work out how to play my iPod in my car

2010-05-21T15:16:00.003+10:00

Well, this is going to be short and boring.

I bought a Belkin TuneCast Auto with ClearScan.

And now I can play my iPod (slash iPhone) through my car stereo. Not the best quality. But it does the job.

Fulfilling No.15... be truly kind and compassionate to Gee

2010-05-20T13:50:00.002+10:00

Gee is my grandma. Her name is Genia, but my big sister couldn’t say it; so we grew up calling Dad’s Mum ‘Gee’.

Gee is Polish, and migrated to Australia after World War II, where she survived Auschwitz. I have never come across a more caring, loving and generous person than Gee. As kids (and beyond), Gee did everything she could to help us out. She gave us attention, listened to our boring self-involved stories, bought us things our parents couldn’t, and took us to lunch with her friends. She would lift up my skirt or dress and show off my legs. ‘Look, Adek,’ she would say. ‘Look how lovely Celeste’s legs are.’ I would turn red and try and pull my dress back down, but I loved hearing all the approving murmers… ‘yes Genia, Celeste has the most lovely legs I’ve ever seen!’ ‘Genia, do those legs come from your side of the family?’ (no!)

I still can’t have an apple, carrot and celery juice without thinking warmly of Gee and her bunch of beautiful friends.

I was born in Melbourne, and lived around the corner from Gee in Caulfield – in a house Gee owned. At the age of 3, my family moved to Geelong. We came back to Melbourne every Sunday to have lunch at Gee’s. Every week, without fail, she would put on a spread which was, looking back, beyond comprehension. She would start with her famous vegetable soup – no one makes vegetable soup like Gee did. I think it was the dill and the croutons which made it. And perhaps a dash of Maggi Seasoning – the secret to many of Gee’s savoury dishes. After the soup, we would have delicious chicken schnitzels that she would make as we sat at the table. Pommes Noisettes would accompany the schnitzels, little crunchy potato balls hot from the oven. On the table there would be salads (a garden salad, and one of grated carrot and chopped pineapple), bagels, dips, beautiful cured ham and turkey, cheeses, butter, pickles and herrings… because Mum loved them.

After lunch came dessert. Always a delicious babka from Aviv, along with a few cheese and cherry danishes. Sometimes there would be little macaroons and flaky baked pastries. We would have napolionka (vanilla slice), which Gee initially made but eventually bought from Aviv. And why not – they make the best in Melbourne. Gee would often also bake an ‘apple cake’ – full of apple, apricot and sultanas. To describe it does not do it justice. This cake makes my mouth water, just to think of it. There would usually also be either Connoisseur ice cream, or a Vienetta.

This is how Gee looked after us. With love and care, every week she would prepare a banquet for her family. We always sat in the same chairs around the table – and I always sat next to Gee.

Over the last few years Gee has become very unwell. Physically, there is not a lot wrong with her – at least, nothing which is bad enough to end her suffering – but she is very frail, incredibly skinny, and as depressed as I think it is possible to be. All she thinks about is how sick she feels (due to the depression and, quite likely, the ghastly number of pills she has to take every day for her various ailments) and she is unable to feel happy or excited about anything. This makes it horrible to visit her at the nursing home. She just stares at me, tells me she wants to die, and asks me to celebrate her death. The repetition of these phrases makes them mean nothing to me. She repeats them, again and again, and I ignore her, impatient with her unhappiness and inability to talk about anything else. ‘I feel worse every day, and today I feel like the day after tomorrow’ she whispers on every visit.

She reminds me, on every possible occasion, that she has a plot at Springvale Cemetery, and where the key is hidden in her room to unlock the drawer with her personal possessions in it. Every trace of the Gee I know and love has gone, and I find it unbearable to see what she has become.

On one such visit, she asked me to bring her poison. No longer horrified by such proclamations, I told her it is illegal, and I would end up in jail. I offered to take her to Mexico to legally get the drugs. ‘It is too far for me to go,’ she whispered. ‘But Gee,’ I joked, ‘you would only have to fly one way!!’ She was not amused. But she continued, telling me how much she wanted to die, so I suggested that I could research euthanasia options for her. She agreed without hesitation and thanked me. ‘Sorry Celeste,’ she said, looking at me with those sad eyes. ‘I know I am a burden.’ ‘You’re not a burden,’ I replied half-heartedly, looking away.

When I presented my findings to Gee (with Dad and my step mum present), she looked at me like I wanted to kill her with my own hands. I was irritated. I did not want to spend an evening finding out how my grandma could die. It was not easy for me to talk with her about these things. I was just trying to help. Another little piece of patience with her broke down inside me and splintered, unable to be put back together.

This is how Gee has been for three years now. Three years of grueling visits.

It wasn’t always like this. When I visited, for the first year, I would cry when I saw Gee, and feel consumed with worry that she would die any second. Every week when I visited, I felt crushed inside that I couldn’t do anything to help. Seeing her in such pain, feeling such misery, caused a stabbing sensation in my chest. I found it hard to cope.

I will now only go if Mum or a friend will come along for moral support and distraction. My visits have decreased from weekly to once or twice a month. I cannot bear to feel those eyes boring into me. To hear those words uttered dramatically, without me snapping back. Hence, my desire to find a way to be truly compassionate to Gee. Reminding myself of all the wonderful traits she had for all of those years hasn’t helped me to be nice when I see her. Remembering all the things she selflessly did for me for the past 25 years makes me feel angry at myself when I can’t sit through a 60-minute visit without rolling my eyes or just ignoring her desperate pleas. But it doesn’t change my inability to be genuinely caring. I hate myself for it, but I don’t know what to do. I feel as though I have grieved for my grandma already. Even though she is still alive.

But then something happened this week. I went to the supermarket after work one night and got all the ingredients to make chicken schnitzels. Including Pommes Noisettes (which are, sadly, just called Pommes these days). I went home and happily chopped up the chicken, bashed it with the mallet, and dunked it in flour, then egg (with a dash of Maggi Seasoning!) and breadcrumbs. Watching the pieces sizzle away in the fry pan, I thought to myself ‘these look just like Gee’s.’

I devoured the meal, feeling comforted and satisfied.

The next day I had the morning off work, and went to Glenhuntly Road in Elsternwick to organise a Medicare rebate (honestly, the glamour never ends). I parked in front of Aviv, without even realising – until I wandered back to the car and noticed the bakery, which has become a Melbourne institution. I decided to venture in and get a coffee and cherry danish for breakfast, and a few bagels for the week ahead.

Standing in the shop, looking at the babkas on their shelf, at the intricate pastries and delicious cakes in the windows and glass displays, I felt young again. I felt excited, I felt happy and I felt all the love that Gee has always showered on us. Aviv brought back all the gorgeous memories of Gee, and the realisation that I had cooked the schnitzel and found it so comforting because of Gee. Because a schnitzel was a comforting food in her eyes, and it was made with such love and care that it couldn’t help but make you feel happy and warm. I looked hungrily at all the delicacies and felt so full of love for Gee; the Gee that she was, not the Gee that she’d become. And I felt so pleased to realise that when I do think of Gee, I think of the Gee I loved with all of my little heart.

I walked out of Aviv feeling so close to my grandma, so full of love and affection for her. I will visit this weekend, and she will irritate me to no end, but I will tell her that I cooked schnitzel and went to Aviv and thought fondly of her, and maybe – just maybe- she’ll offer me a watery smile.

Fulfilling No.12... work out a recipe storage/filing system

2010-05-15T13:09:00.002+10:00

I have never been able to cook. At 25, I realised something quite suddenly: it wasn't cute anymore that I was useless in the kitchen.

Based on the fact that I wanted to start cooking more, I began searching for and stumbling upon a bunch of cool recipes. A lot of them have come from the Recipes thread in the Adore Beauty Forum... a goldmine of tried and true favourite recipes.

This meant printing out lots of recipes... cutting out recipes from magazines... and writing recipes on scraps of paper at friends' houses as they were whipping up a quick and tasty meal. Because, you know, maybe then I could make them some time.

My kitchen bench was suddenly so covered with recipes that there was no room to actually cook any of them. That, combined with the small issew that I am a neat freak, made me want to sort these recipes out quicksticks.

The answer to my quandry, my friends, was Kikki-K. To be more precise, Kikki-K's Recipes Organiser.

I bought one of these little beauties and plenty of the plastic pockets and even the Another Delicious Recipe insert, where you can write up your recipes so they are all neat and matchy-watchy. Bliss.

And you know what? I started to cook with my new recipes. A raspberry and banana cake here. Choc chip cookies there. Roasted quail with chorizo and grapes for a 'practice' dinner party. Bill Granger's white chocolate cheesecake for a friend's 30th birthday.

I have learnt something. I can cook. I always could cook (I assume). I had just never had the inclination, until now. I am so glad I have discovered an interest in cooking, finally. Who knew it could be so therapeutic? Rewarding? Relaxing? Comforting? Well... probably all the people who already cook. I am now in on your little secret.

Fulfilling No.24... learn to think before buying to eradicate crap impulse purchases

2010-05-13T18:06:00.000+10:00

FAIL.

That is all.

Fulfilling No.10... going to see a movie on my own

2010-05-13T17:25:00.001+10:00

In truth, I had actually seen a movie by myself before I set this little goal, but it was such a horrendous experience I was not too keen on reliving it. Being such an independent soul, however, I felt that seeing a film solo was something I really ought to be comfortable with. What if I wanted to see something that noone else was interested in? Should I simply not go because I'd have to sit on my own?

In 1998, when I was in Year 8 at high school, I really really really wanted to see Dr Dolittle. It sucked to be me, because all of my friends had already gone - and had no interest in seeing it a second time. Feeling out of it, I decided to go and see it anyway, so I could be in on all of the jokes and retelling of the movie at recess (play lunch, anyone? Anyone?)

So, off I went. I paid my eight bucks (or whatever) and sat by myself in the dark theatre one afternoon after school. And I hated every minute of it. In every 'funny' moment (I use this term loosely) I turned to my side to smile at my companion and get an approving nod or smile - yes Celeste, that was funny! But there was noone there. Disheartened, I turned back to the screen until the next vaguely amusing gag came along, and then, again, I would turn to confer with my friend about the hilarity of that scene. Aaaaaand.... nothing.

After 90 minutes of this, I sadly caught the bus home and vowed never to see another movie on my own again. Even after seeing the film, I couldn't get excited when my friends still spoke about it in raptures at school.

This time, however, my experience was vastly different. I had spent the morning at a work strategy meeting, and had the afternoon off. I took myself to my favourite cinema - The Classic in Elsternwick - and bought my ticket to see Invictus. A film about rugby - which I detest - but it had Matt Damon in it, and the preview had looked good so I was sold.

I wandered into the theatre and was amazed to see just four or five other patrons - all sitting on their own. How thrilling! I walked with purpose up the steps, and chose a seat midway back, in the middle of the row. Ahhh, bliss. I sat down and got comfortable in my seat. The film started. From start to finish, I was unaware that I was alone. The movie was gripping. I got goosebumps... I got teary in parts... I found myself rooting for South Africa in the movie, even when they were playing against Australia. I wondered how I was being brainwashed into going for South Africa - full or the kind of people who tortured poor PK in The Power of One (a firm favourite) - but nevertheless, I was drawn right in.

When the film ended, I was satisfied and felt warm on the inside. What an enjoyable experience! I left the cinema and wandered out into the sunshine, feeling like I'd achieved something. Something small, no doubt... but an achievement, all the same.

Fulfilling No.11... making a CD for Lest

2010-05-10T10:36:00.001+10:00

My best friend is really clever, and sometimes she surprises me with a CD which has her current favourite songs on it. She prints a CD cover with images on the front, and on the inside of the cover, she puts a list of all of the tracks which are on the disc.

It never fails to impress me, or please me. It feels great to know my friend has made me something by hand - nawwww!

So I made Lest a 'Contemplation Mix'. Here are the songs which were on it:

1. Down to the River to Pray - Alison Krauss
2. Beloved One - Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals
3. Breathe - David Gray
4. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
5. Don't Let Me Down - Eskimo Joe
6. We Haven't Turned Around - Gomez
7. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
8. Caught in the Crowd - Kate Miller-Heidke
9. Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
10. Timshel - Mumford & Sons
11. Teardrop - Massive Attack
12. Been Thinking About It - Newtown Faulkner
13. Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
14. Better Man - Pearl Jam

Ahhhh. I am in the mood to contemplate... might pop this CD on tonight.

Fulfilling No.18... keeping track of books read

2010-05-07T16:40:00.012+10:00

I am an avid reader. At least... I like to think so.

I made a promise to myself to try and keep track of the books I read. So, since October 2009, this is where I am at. I will update as I go along.

1. Lady Chatterly's Lover - D.H. Lawrence
2. The Slap - Christos Tsiolkas
3. The Ivy Chronicles - Karen Quinn
4. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
5. One Day - David Nicholls
6. The Perfect Man - Sheila O'Flanagan
7. The Game - Neil Strauss
8. LA Candy - Lauren Conrad
9. Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown - Lorna Martin
10. Committed - Elizabeth Gilbert
11. The Chase - Samantha Brett
12. 1984 - George Orwell
13. Sweet Little Lies - Lauren Conrad
14. Animal Farm - George Orwell
15. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson
16. The Girl who Played with Fire - Stieg Larsson
17. The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest - Stieg Larsson
18. The Easy Way to Quit Smoking - Allen Carr (this worked! Woohoo!)
19. The Bronze Horseman - Paullina Simons
20. Tully - Paullina Simons
21. Tatiana and Alexander - Paullina Simons
22. The Summer Garden - Paullina Simons
23. Monkey Grip - Helen Garner
24. The Easy Way to Quit Smoking - Allen Carr
25. Tomorow, When the War Began - John Marsden
26. The Dead of the Night - John Marsden
27. The Third Day, The Frost - John Marsden
28. Darkness, Be My Friend - John Marsden
29. Burning for Revenge - John Marsden
30. The Night is for Hunting - John Marsden
31. The Other Side of Dawn - John Marsden
32. The Servant: A Simple Story About the True Essence of Leadership - James C Hunter
33. Toast - Nigel Slater
34. The Family Law - Benjamin Law
35. The Lost Boys - Sam de Brito
36. Burning Shadows - Kamila Shamsie
37. Marry Him - The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough (a subtle hint from a friend?!)

The start of something...

2010-05-07T16:06:00.000+10:00

I made a list of 25 things to do before turning 26.

1. See a movie at the drive-in
2. Go up to the Eureka Sky Deck
3. Have a dinner party at home
4. Perfect 5 recipes
5. Fall in love
6. Start writing a book or blog
7. Do something unexpected and nice for Mum
8. Get a facial + peel from Alli
9. Send random notes to friends
10. Go to see a film on my own
11. Learn how to burn CDs and make one for Lest
12. Work out a recipe storage/filing system
13. Bake a birthday cake for someone
14. Fix smoke detector in my house
15. Be truly kind and compassionate to Gee
16. Go to the dentist for a teeth clean
17. Skinny dip
18. Keep track of books I have read
19. Learn how to accept compliments - and believe them
20. Work out how to play my iPod in my car
21. Weed courtyard
22. Hand wash and vacuum my car, rather than paying other people to do it
23. Keep drawing... create a work of art worth framing
24. Learn to think before buying to eradicate crap impulse purchases
25. Go for a ride on the back of Dad's motorbike!

Given that one of my chosen things to do was to create a blog (let's be honest... writing a book is a bit out of my depth at this point), I decided it was time to get started on it. I love ticking things off lists!

So here I am. Read me. Love me.

xx